Excuse me, waiter...

 Seven years and ten months ago, I arrived in the Republic of China, better known as Taiwan.  At the time I left South Africa, I knew very little about where I was going or what it looked like.  I didn't even know where I was going to work.  My agent (now my friend) Maggie just said, "Don't worry about anything.  I'll have a job for you when you arrive."

Now, in my mind's eye, I had an image of a mixture between a tropical island and the images one gets of China in the old movies:  red lanterns, very obedient students and the smell of incense... Oh, and somehow everyone can speak English.

Well, how rude my awakening was is a story for another day.  In fact very few people speak English outside of Taipei.  In my early years in Taiwan, I was always very excited to find a restaurant that had a menu in English.

So, for your reading pleasure, I present the English menu of a coffee shop in Yinge, a town very famous for its ceramics (and not so famous for its English!)

"Excuse me waiter, could I please have the 'Chicken of the oyster bad-mannered'?  Mind you, item G looks delicious too!  Oh, what should I order!"

"My friend here will have the Nine-storyed Baconian's pasta." (...which was bacon pasta with basil, in case you were wondering...)


Welcome to my world!